he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
