I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
