Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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