I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize