im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
