youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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