It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I think pants incapable of making pants work
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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