She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
