apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
