I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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