You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
