I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
