Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
