just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
