I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
