he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
