You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
