I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
