I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize