He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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