I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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