Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
