Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
