Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
