i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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