I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
