he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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