worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
