What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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