I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
