An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
