actually, I'm a sock model
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
