Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
