We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
