I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
