can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize