at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
