I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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