im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
