just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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