the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it glows. i had to have it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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