What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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