Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
