My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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