Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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