also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i think i have two assholes
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
