It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
