She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
