I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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