you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
