2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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