dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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