got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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