She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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