Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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