he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
