thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
