I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
