Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
