i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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