so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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