my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
