He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Use "feeling words"
Yay
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
