I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize