you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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