You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
