thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
