I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
