You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
