ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
