I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
