Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
