My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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