he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
