woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just invented taco cereal.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
