He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
