I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
