I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
