Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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